Month: December 2014

Telling the Army Truth… dat one na patriotism!

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Since many days now, the thing we de hear for TV na warning from army to some people. DSS don first warn us tey tey say dem go arrest anybody wey insult the president. We no mind dem because we no de insult anybody. To tell person as e be, no be insult. You no fit beat person come tell am say make e no cry. If NEPA collect my money and dem no give me light. And dem say make I come top money plus the one wey siddon berekete for my meter, anything I tell dem no be insult. But if DSS wan arrest anybody sef, dem go first arrest the president and im people because na dem insult demself pass.

Make dat one pass.
If two pikin de fight, correct mama go separate fight first and then make sure say the children understand say fight no good. No matter, no matter. Na bad mama de abuse the other pikin whether her own pikin right or wrong. So, when army and DSS begin de do like bad mama, the best thing we fit do for our country na to help dem understand how we see am. Then we go work together take end nonsense. Dat na the meaning of patriotism. Na two half bum-bum be one nyash.

They that live in glass houses must not hurl bricks, or have someone hurl bricks for them. It is in fact advisable that they have nothing whatsoever to do with bricks. This is why it gets particularly worrisome to see an institution like the army fighting to restore its dignity. Albeit through threats against citizens who they know they could never move against without crises that will be difficult to manage. So what happened to bring them to this kind of position? What do they need to do or avoid to restore the non-partisan dignified stance that they crave so much?

From since the time we small, we de fear soldier. We small when dem go scatter Fela house. All of us know the song “Zombie” but fear no de let us sing am for Boys Scout not to talk of army. Now, we don grow and na the same thing still de happen. Army de appeal for support and sympathy and we de give. If we hear say dem kill soldier on duty, e de pain us. But wait make you see wetin soldiers de do us when dem vex. Soldier go come buy no-testing and e go use am for one month. When NEPA high voltage damage am, e go return am ask for new one. If you no give dem, dem go so beat you. If you stubborn pass, you go reach barracks. Again, make soldier de drive civilian motor. If dem blow horn and you no quick comot, dem go beat you bad bad not to talk of when dem carry dem oga de waka. Una remember Uzoma Okere? Dem tear fine gal cloth for street. Wetin she do? One day, I dey for street for Abeokuta wey one soldier take belt scatter one side of okadaman head. Blood everywhere. Who you wan go report to? Sotey, if one person don know one or two soldiers, na wetin e like e go de do for street. If you challenge am, na uniform you de invite. No be so e suppose be if you de find respect.

Over the years, soldiers in Nigeria have always been elite. Any retired army boss wey no get money is either an idiot or a religious man. All of dem get connect bad bad and nobody fit ask dem where dem get the money wey dem de spend. Na privilege to be soldier. The only time dem de get fight na peace-keeping and even dat one sef, na dollars dem de collect. All dat na before Boko Haram show dem idiot face. Na Boko Haram open soldier nyash wey make us begin de ask question. For the first time, Nigerians saw their army grossly deficient in equipage and performance. These soldier, like our police, are award winners anytime they go out. But here, they found it difficult to put down a rag-tag army of armed street urchins as we once were led to believe. Then the truth hit us all. The urchins were better armed. We began to ask questions about the welfare of the soldiers we were sending out. They are soldiers but they are our children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives…they are our family. If they were going to die, they needed to put up a fair fight. The pictures and account we received were indeed disheartening. Eventually, even their wives began to protest and refuse to allow them to “go and die”.

For the first time, we begin hear say soldier refuse to go fight. Some vex for dem GOC because dem say dem Oga just waste some of the soldiers dem life wey make Boko Haram ambush dem. Dem catch dem, dem sentence dem to death. Now, the soldiers wey dem don sentence to death don de pursue hundred. Whether dem kill dem o, whether dem leave dem o. The damage don happen. The money dem give army, nobody fit explain where the money waka go. Soldiers de claim say na because dem no give dem weapon na im make dem refuse to fight. Who make we believe now? Na the small small people  de die every day. The big oga dem de give press conference. Na waa o. Falana talk, Amaechi talk…next thing na warning.

The one wey bad pass na dis political side. Today, more and more Nigerians don de see army as supporting one side. We still de argue say make everybody shut up, say no be so. Some of us see when dem take PDP motor come carry soldiers for election duties, but we no talk because we no fit prove anything. Abi na you wan snap dem? Then like play, we see soldiers with hood for election for Ekiti. We just de look ni o. Wetin? Their minister dat time de run things. DSS men de protect one candidate. Person tire!

Another thing wey de happen come be say a whole army go de do conference de talk something and we go later see say no be so.

Dem say dem don rescue Chibok girls, dem say no be so..

Dem say na inside evil forest of Sambisa the pikin dem day, den dem say Sambisa no be forest at all.

Dem say dem know where Chibok girls dey, dat na since which month?

Dem say na Ogwuche bomb Nyanya and now to prove am de hard dem.

Dem carry civilian plane and civilians go buy arms, till now dem no answer questions wey Nigerians ask.

Dem say dem capture towns, we de hear say Boko Haram still de control those towns.
Dem announce ceasefire and fire no cease.

A few days ago, the army paraded a few crest-fallen dudes and told us that these creatures successfully conned the army, the DSS and DMI into entering a bogus ceasefire deal. I would certainly have preferred if they stayed quiet about it. How do you flaunt your incompetence yourself? How could those boys have convinced them that whoever they were dealing with were Boko Haram? Who are those people anyway?

This drive to convince Nigerians that they are on top of things is what most exposes them to ridicule. My patriotic suggestion is to stop all press conferences. Instead, they could let their successes speak for them. The persons who have always criticized them would eat their words. Then gradually, they could rebuild their suffering image. Na me me I think o.

If you ask me, dem need to stop all dis talk and just do their thing. The interest we de get na because dem de always enter our space de claim wetin no de help dem. Dem no even need am at all but because dem de wan help somebody make the person be like say e de work, dem de talk and talk. The talk dem talk na im de pursue dem now.
So all dis warning to only one side no go help anybody. Make dem do wetin dem suppose do. Na me go mobilize support for dem, even if nobody send me. Na patriotism make me talk o.

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Attention Doyin Okupe, Jonathan Is not Jesus Christ. He is Arsene Wenger

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Attention Doyin Okupe: Goodluck Jonathan is like Arsene Wenger not Jesus Christ
It has been well circulated that Doyin Okupe said Goodluck Jonathan is Jesus Christ. Some have rushed in to make a clarification that he only said Goodluck Jonathan is like Jesus Christ. The latter group see a difference and a justification for the analogy. Or perhaps not, but at the least they see a reason why the analogy is not acrimonious. There is a section of the Muslim community revolting and showing from their holy book how this is a verbal assault on the person and mission of Jesus. And there is a segment of the Christian community, irrespective of their political leaning who are just stunned to silence.
Dem be like, “dis people no just get boundary abi?”
How dem go think go dat level? The man plan dis talk before abi the thing fall from im mouth? But again, na so we de take know wetin person de think for inside im mind. So that na how Okupe de see im oga? No wonder the man and the other people wey de work with am de commit all kind commit and dem no care wetin everybody de talk. Jonathan be like Jesus ke! Where dem see dis kind talk.
One benefit of this thing Okupe said is that it makes one want to wonder. In comparing to Jesus, Jonathan fails woefully. In comparing to Mandela he fails abysmally too. The benefit is in looking for the man who Jonathan actually personifies. In him there are many elements of Mobutu, Idi Amin, Campaore and Mugabe. In him there are barely any resemblance to Mandela and Martin Luther King, not to talk of Barak Obama as his adverts claim. Okupe’s claim comes from the background of those adverts where Jonathan’s own men tell us who he actually resembles. Okupe only jumped the gun. And now that he has done that, one wonders who Jonathan actually resembles the most. I came to the conclusion….
Aesene Wenger.
The more you de look Wenger and Jonathan the more you de see wetin join them together.
Both of them are good men. You no fit talk say Jonathan na bad man. He will always command respect just like Wenger. But the respect and goodness no de win match and no de bring economic growth.
Wenger get team and Jonathan get team. The players Wenger buys are cheap and he will not go for better. He is the first to identify talent but he will not buy. The same for Jonathan. All the good players dey there de wait but na the same old crooks e take do team.
Match go dey on and everybody de see say Wenger need to make substitution but na lie. E go play till 87” when e don de lose like 0-2 before e go tell Podolski to warm up for one minute. Na the same thing Jonathan de do. Abba Moro kill Nigerians but Jonathan no de substitute. Stella Oduah na by force substitution. Arumah Oteh still dey there. Dem de talk Allison and Ngozi own?
Wenger no be tactician and everybody de see am. That’s why Mourinho de beat am. Dats why Ferguson de always beat am. Na so e go stand de look and things go de spoil de go and nothing wey e go do. The same thing for Oga Jonathan. When we complain about Okonjo-Iweala, e be like say Oga go call am. And the only question e fit ask am na, “are you sure?”. And the babe go answer say, “absolutely”. Case closed. Na the woman sabi book pass. Na so e be for all the technical areas. If not, how Wike take be minister of Education and Obanikoro ambassador and minister for defense?
Wenger like cheap buy no be small. E go de waka round Europe de find player wey get problem with manager. Na those ones de cheap pass. Na so e buy Kalstroom wey get back injury and expired products like Silvestre, Benayoun and na so e recycle Flamini (one match once card). Na the same thing Jonathan and im team de do. Na so dem carry Fani-Kayode. Dem buy am for garage sales hoping say e go de write masterpieces for dem. And the guy de try. E de write mastershit de post for internet. Na who no get time de read dem. The same give-away price dem take buy Doyin Okupe. Abati be like free transfer.
Arsenal fans na dem suffer pass for EPL and na so Nigerians suffer pass for Africa. Arsenal fans na dem full Man City, Chelsea, Man United. Dem de wait make Arsenal make sense make dem return. Na so Nigerians scatter all over Africa de wait make Nigeria make sense. Apart from that angle, Arsenal ticket be like Nigerian petrol pump price. The more dem de mess up, the more the fans de pay to watch dem. Oil don fall for price for international market. Since all our petrol na import, why the price go remain the same? Abi dem wan take style de take back wetin dem call subsidy wey we de doubt in the first place?
Still on Arsenal fans. Dem de die small small and dem still de get hope say something go happen. Eighteen straight years for champions league and dem no win am!!!Chelsea, Man U and Liverpool don win am. Na so e be for Jonathan too. Small things wey for dey for Nigeria no dey. Ordinary light no let dem do. But small country dem wey near us de enjoy life pass us. Wetin?
Many Arsenal fans de shout say dem no want Wenger. Na the same for Jonathan. But the Board no gree. Why na? Because the bobo de make money for dem. E build new stadium and dat na only to make more money not to win anything. Na so Jonathan sef be. We for like pursue am comot but the investors wey buy the man like shares no gree. Now, we don de see dem. Dem de call demself TAN. Dem waka everywhere de gather ojoro 27million signatures say na we sign dem. E de give im boys support to buy all the business wey dey area and dem go de tell us economic growth. Economic growth wey no de enter people pocket.
Wenger stubborn no be small. Steve Bould no de even fit answer am if e de talk for pitch. Na wetin e wan do e go do. And many times, na the wrong thing e go finally do. Buy Fabregas…NO! Buy defender…NO! Buy Remy…NO! Buy Cahill….NO! Na Welbeck go save Arsenal. Na so Jonathan sef be. E go come de tell us say many people de give am advice. Na blessing be dat na. More options to choose from, more wisdom. But in the end, na funny decision e go take.
I know say una go de ask say whether Wenger no good at all? Wenger good na. E don dey there 18 years just as PDP don dey for 16 years. But everybody wey get eye don see say Wenger no fit do pass the one e don do. E don win EPL, win FA Cup, win Emirates Cup, win Charity Shield. But Champions League…hehehehehe. Oga Jona don build university for Otuoke, e don build the road wey e fit, e don try as e fit. But 24 hours electricity or decent hospitals or funded schools?… hehehehehe….. forget
The more you de look the matter, the more you de see say Jonathan and Wenger na the same mama born dem. Make dem go siddon. Wenger go return to France de chop im money de manage one small or even big club. Make Jonathan go Otuoke or Seychelles go de chop im money. E fit marry fine girl like Ojukwu marry Bianca. How many life person get sef? …and money dey. The man no need to work ever and ever.
I have Okupe to thank for making that wild analogy because if he hadn’t, I would not have gone in search of who is best description for Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan