Between Tinubu and Jonathan

My country don divide. We don divide many different way. One way we take divide na Christian and Muslim. Another one na Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba along with plenty plenty others dem. Another divide na rich and poor. The divide wey wicked pass now na Jonathan versus Tinubu. But no be so we de talk am. We de call am FG vs Opposition. The day you talk something take praise Jonathan, you be FG person. The day you tell dem say you no feel all the develop wey dem say dem develop country, dat day you be opposition.
Na so dem de divide us. But I like dis men wey de run things sha. Dem be two heavy men and dem no resemble each other for anything. Number one na “Is-a-jigi-Bola” and number two be our able and humble grass-to-grace president, Goodluck Jonathan. I like dis men but I no fit vote for dem lai-lai. Make I first tell you why I like dem and den I go tell you why I no go vote for dem.
I like the story of Jonathan as e de rise de rise. As nobody expect say the man get anything but e rise sotey e reach president. Different people contribute one time or the other. I de like as e de talk say e no get shoe. Dat thing de give hope to other pikin dem wey no get anything, say one day one day, dem go be big person. Whether na by style or by mistake, Jona de carry go. When e don wear im parachute, carry that black hat put for head, na you know the rest. People wey de help am don sew different type of cloth give am but e be like say na Yoruba dress de make am fine pass. And na Yoruba states e no fit win hehehehe…na so life be. Minus every every, me I like Jona. No bring Patience matter here. No be Patience I de write about.
As for Jigi-Bola, how person no go like am? E no go win beauty contest but if na talk contest, e don win finish. If not  for Tinubu and people like am, na one-party state we for don get for dis country. On top of say opposition dey, PDP still de do anyhow. Wetin dem for de take person eye see if dem no get opposition nko? Anyway, Tinubu help snatch South-West from PDP and dat thing de balance area now. But dat thing de vex some people like mad. If dem say make we call the name of people wey no like Tinubu, dem planty and most of them na Yoruba people.  No matter how dem abuse am reach, the bobo no send. E no kukuma big or strong but the word wey e de talk strong pass iron. If e don wear im glass, bend im eye like person wey never sleep for one year, with that cap on top im head, some people go de shake.
I like Bola Ahmed Tinubu. I like Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe (how man wey no be Igbo take get two Igbo name tire me). But if na vote matter, I no de vote for dem two.
Tinubu don try for im  people and e don try for imself. Wetin again man go de want. Na the kind thing wey do Abiola be dat. Wetin person want wey Abiola no get two or three? Still, e wan enter politico. See as dat politico chop the man come nearly scatter family. Tinubu try no be small. Carry two term for governor of a whole Lagos. Carry senator even from before that time. Im wife try well well, come win election enter Senate. No be yam and beans o! Im daughter come de run things for market level. On top dat one, e get politico pikin all everywhere. If the man talk say e no work again, hunger no go catch am for ten years. Dem find find find wetin dem go take show am pepper. Dem say e get house for all everywhere for UK. Dem say na drug baron. Dem say im certificate no forged. Finally, dem say e get foreign bank account the time e be governor. Dem drag o boy reach Abuja come put am for dock. When dem tire, na the same way dem take return Adedibu to Ibadan, na so dem return Tinubu to Lagos. Na heavy man be dat man but I no fit vote am. E don try. Make e comot small make some of us try small. Oga na kingmaker now. Make e no just bother de go do pass like that.
On the other hand, Jona na superman. Correct person but e too slow when we need attention. Every time na so people go surround am de give am all kind advice. Even from outside, we de know say some of dis advice no good. But everybody get im own master. E de be like say dem de work with Jona but dem Oga na another person. Jona go de see people de fuck up, de make wrong move and e go keep quiet. We no de know whether na wisdom abi na confusion. Wetin make me no wan vote for am? One reason be say im government get many wrong people. Two be say im people too lie. We no de know who to believe sef. For Abacha time, na DMI (Directorate of Military Intelligence) we de fear. Now, e be like say na DSS we go de fear. Jona don do local government, do deputy governor, do governor, do vice president and now president. For me, e don do for one person.
Between dis two men, country de hot. Two of dem get where dem go run go if dem mess up country. Even if we kill ourself for campaign or election, dem go live dem life like normal. If na matter of vote, I no go vote the two as president or vice president. Na so I see am. You make you decide how you wan paddle your own canoe.


If God punish us for corruption, who go free?

Sometime, something de happen to me wey I no know whether e de do other people. I go read something or hear something but I no go laugh. Later later, I go remember the thing and only me go de laugh. If people dey there, e go be like say man don craze. The one I de remember so na the women wey come Jonathan conference wey talk say make dem de castrate people wey do rape. I been de read for one place say man fit rape im wife. Say if the man wan do and im wife say she no do, if the man by-force am, e don enter am be dat. We go cut the man thing for that kind case too? I still de hear some people talk say women sef de rape men. If dat na true, wetin make we do the woman wey rape man? Heheheheh.
Another thing wey dem talk for Jonathan conference wey de sweet me under be say make dem execute anybody wey steal government money. Which mean to say, make we catch anybody wey steal government money and make we tie am with rope join tree, den make we shoot am die. Halleluyah! We don finally see how to reduce our population as 160 million too much sef. But the first question I ask myself be dis one. If we shoot all the people wey chop government money wey come that conference, how many people go reach home from that conference?
Different different time, some people don suggest all kind thing. Some people say make we take Sango and Sopanna de swear instead of Bible and Quran. Dem say God too gentle but if na devil, na sharp sharp e go come collect the spirit of bad people. That’s why I come say make we pray one prayer before we call devil. Some people don talk say dem no corrupt. Some time, when dem de talk about corruption, people go de point other people to show say na other people corrupt. PDP say na APC and APC say na PDP. Ministry say na worker and worker say na minister and minister say na police and police say na armed robber and armed robber say na governor and governor say na Federal Government and Federal Government say na opposition and opposition say na government propaganda people and government loudmouth dem say na bad education and teacher, teachers say na lecturer and lecturer say na student and student say na parents and parents say na economy and economy say anybody wey call im name de craze.
Na so we de scatter-point hand and nobody commit and everybody de blame other people and area de spoil. That’s why I wan pray. If you fit say amen to all the prayer point, den no be you de spoil country.
Where make I start? Ok, make I start among religious leaders
Anybody wey de deceive people say God tell am wetin God no talk
Anybody wey open church or mosque just to chop people money
Anybody wey de tell people prophecy wey dem manufacture by demself
Anybody wey de go church go catch woman
Any girl wey de take dressing set trap for people for church
Anybody wey de give fake testimony make e for attract something
Anybody wey de take God people do business
All religious leader wey get girlfriend or boyfriend for corner
All religious leaders wey say dem no de drink but dem go hide finish carton
Any religious leader wey de deceive worshippers
Make we enter school
All the people wey de use fake result
All the people wey de do fake result for people
All the people wey de help children cheat for exam
All proprietors wey de use dem school as clearing house for malpractive
All teacher wey de pass people wey suppose fail
All teacher wey de sleep with babes for mark
All teacher wey de steal student money with fake handout
Any teacher wey sell and or expose examination question for cash or kind
Anybody wey give people admission wey no pass entrance exam
Any VC etc wey get girlfriend among student and help am get fine grade
Any officer wey appoint wrong person to position for personal reason
Anybody wey favour im family and friend over people wey better pass dem
Oya make we enter ministry
Anybody wey take money wey no be im salary and allowance
Anybody wey hide another person file take punish the person
Anybody wey collect any kobo in the process to award CONTRACT
Any official wey ask or receive money, house, motor to facilitate contract
Any ministry person wey lie to im wife carry babe go somewhere
Anybody wey collect money to help do any illegal business
Anybody wey help minister pr perm sec thief money or cover up fraud
Anybody wey build house or buy motor from illegal money collection
Anybody wey talk say ‘no money’ but e get secret account
Anybody wey get asset wey I no declare
Any minister wey spend kobo pass im legitimate money
Anybody wey cover up any thief-thief for ministry
Make we reach forces
Any forceman wey beat civilian for street
Any forceman wey kill innocent citizen
Any custom wey de drive motor dem seize for border
Any forceman wey convert anybody property to im own by force
Any forceman wey get detention facility for im private house
Any forceman wey de live on money wey e thif while in power
Any police wey torture person for cell
Any army, police, prison, immigration, custom, NSCDC wey get fake credential
We go enter business?
Anybody wey talk fake statistics de lie give us
Anybody wey divert money or aid from people wey suppose get am
Anybody wey de thief people money for bank with different style
Anybody wey de thief people tax and pension, savings
Anybody wey de import, distribute or sell wetin dem know say na fake
Any doctor wey de take people life do business
Any doctor wey de trwat wetin e no understand just for money
Any doctor wey do CS for woman wey no get problem
Any transporter wey de use motor wey e know say e no good
Any businessman wey just de front for government officials
Every 419 and dem family
Politicians think say we forget
Anybody wey kill or injure anybody
Anybody wey thief government money
Anybody wey reduce quality of contract to get money
Anybody wey collect job slots to sell to people
Anybody wey vote twice
Anybody wey carry ballot box
Anybody wey pay thugs to work for am
Anybody wey change election result
Anybody wey be godfather to take thief money or control elected officer
Anybody wey divert public fund
Anybody wey register twice or more for election
Anybody wey open false Facebook to take talk politics
Anybody wey know truth but e de talk lie
Anybody wey build house or buy motor with public fund
Anybody wey de mislead people wey dey power
O boy, plenty still remain o!
Anybody wey take another person land
Anybody wey do ritual
Anybody wey chop winch or join bad society
Any radio or TV station wey de talk lie
Anybody wey wan cheat for 2015 election
Anybody wey de oppress another person
I know say you talk amen for some and you no talk for some. And dem say we no get problem of corruption. Oya go back to the beginning. If you know say you no corrupt, talk amen for all dis prayer dem. Dis corruption matter don enter our blood. Some big some small but almost everybody de do im own. Na so make we leave am?

Man turns woman


Confusion ‘broke’ out today when a member of staff of Tai Solarin College of Education in Ijebu Ode area of Ogun State became a woman by choice.
The man had struggled to be the man of the house as he had always been. But in the face of the prevailing circumstances in the school, he had been under the financial care of his wife. He is presently owed February and March 2014 salaries in addition to 46 (yes 46) months of arrears of salaries dating as far back as the last administration that left office in the state in 2011.
Faced with the realities of the situation, he opted to become the wife in the house rather than the husband. He is pictured here with a lantern, doing house chores in the evening. Not as if they do not own a generator. But generators do not run on water. Forget PHCN!
Please pray for the man to become the man again. Pray for his hard-earned salaries to be paid to him. He has children in school and bills to pay!

Dis kind thing tire person o. Na true say dem de owe the man money. The government try o because the problem wey dem meet for ground plenty pass dis one, but dem get to try more na. Because to waka halfway come turn back no be best thing. Make dem try finish the race once and for once, abi na how dem de talk am?

Tokunbo leaders and osmosis leaders for Naija

I de remember the time wey we small. Dat time, dem go send us buy Peak or Carnation milk and dem go say make we make sure say we buy original. Dat time, my papa go say make dem help am buy spare part. Original go be like six hundred naira whereas tokunbo go be like three hundred and fifty naira. Dat time, original part de cost pass tokunbo.
But today, the meaning of original don change. If you go meet mechanic now, e go tell you say na tokunbo motor part better pass original. You go de wonder why dat one go be true. How something new go come bad pass something when dem don use already before dem transfer am go another motor? The time I first hear dis kind talk na the time I wan change plug. Na so dem tell me say new plug no go pay me. Dem say make I go buy tokunbo. Na so I come de ask why but nobody fit give me answer. So I come de think say, maybe the original no go work well because e go be like new cloth wey de patch old cloth, the way the Bible take talk am. The cloth go come tear pass before.
The more I de think dat thing, the more I de wonder say the only way wey tokunbo go better pass original be say if the original na fake. So e go better make we buy the one wey we don sure say e don work wella for another machine. That thing de pain me when I think am go the area of leadership for my country.
Some of our leaders na tokunbo. The reason wey dem take de lead us no be say dem sabi. But the reason be say dem don do the kind of work before. Whether dem do am well o, abi whether na swear dem de swear for dem until dem comot for office no come matter. The only thing dem de mention be say dem be ‘experienced’. Dem go do many many poster, and dem go label demsef “TESTED AND TRUSTED”. Na dat one cause katakata the day when dem do the last election debate for who go be governor of Lagos State. Fashola dey there and dem don de look am as rude boy. Fashola no de dull na. as dem come wan de try demself, na so Fashola talk say im no get problem with the age of the candidate of the other party dem. But e say im get problem with the age of dem idea. Hahahahahahaha! I wan laugh forget my name. Which mean to say, person fit never old sef but the idea dem wey dey im head don expire since tey tey. Na so tokunbo leaders be. Dem don burn all dem calories for one place and na dem contribute wey area take spoil like so. But the place sweet and dem no wan retire. Who no know say e de sweet to de chop another man money? Another funny thing be say, the tokunbo leaders fit de find make dem enter post wey high pass the one wey dem fail before. How person go collect promotion on top exam wey e fail?
Another type of leader wey we for Nigeria be osmosis leaer. Osmosis leader be like dat osmosis and diffusion wey dem teach us for Biology. Dem be osmosis leaders but wetin we need na diffusion leaders. Wetin be the difference? Make I explain am give you. Osmosis de carry material from where the thing small pass, de carry go where the thing big pass. Diffusion de carry material from where the thing plenty pass go the side wey the thing small pass. Dat mean to say, the leader wey be Osmosis, go de thief the thing wey e suppose give small people carry de give imself and people wey be godfather. Whereas the leader wey be diffusion go de carry things comot from the hand of those wey get too much and de give am to people wey manage get small.
For dis country wey poor people plenty like sand, any leader wey get plan to de osmosis us, na bad person and thunder suppose fire am. No be only we place dis kind thing dey o. If you remember the legend of Robin Hood, and the legend of Zoro, na oyinbo film. Inside dis film dem, the actor de thief from big people and carry go give small people. Dat kind film de teach leaders say dem suppose de give the poor notto de pack everything go give the rich again. Dem plenty wey de do dis thing for dis country. You go see where big man pikin do wedding, the gift you go see there go reach everythingwey dey inside shoprite. When Tu Face do wedding, na so Uncommon Governor wan take uncommon gift take would the bride and the groom. Small time, e go reach time to go Mecca and Jerusalem. Na the same big big people na dem go collect government money take go de add Alhaji and JP to dem name. even government sef de join. You go see small businessman. Dem go nearly take double taxation finish im life. On tp dat one, local government go come. Dem go collect money for land, for light, for breeze. Small time sef, if you mess, you go pay local government. But if na Dangote, na import waiver e go collect. Custom go dey border de play dem game. Dem go carry poor man motor de do auction. Na yeye thing be dat. Na dat type be osmosis wey de make rich man richer and poor man poorer.
Another type of leader dey, wey I wan talk about. Na dem be the new original spare part. Some time, e go de be us like say na new generation na dem go solve all the problem wey dey dis country. E de make us happy when young people win election or hold high offices for we country. But when you look well, you go remember say mechanic don first tell us say new part no good. Wetin go come cause am wey young people no go fit perform well? Some say make we ask Niyi Adebayo, other people say make we ask Dimeji Bankole. Someone wan mention Salisu Buhari sef. Why e be say all dis young people de fall we hand sef? Na because say from the beginning, dem no be wetin dem talk say dem be. Many na extension of the tokunbo and osmosis leaders. Many no get qualification wey dem talk say dem get. Some know book but dem no get village sense. Many na conduit pipe wey dem oga de take thief money. Many sef no understand wetin dem de do. The only thing dem know na chop money, go party, wear big cloth, drive big motor, follow fine women, marry new wife,carry dem wife go born for Ghana, South Africa and UK. If dem gather money, instead to do better for the people wey vote for dem, na godfather dem go de follow so dat dem go fit go from local government to state assembly, and from there to national assembly or minister. From there, dem go de eye governor.  If we shout too much, dem go come sink borehole for us. We go collect small chop. We go wear uniform, carry out drum and dance ourself stupid. If our wife ask us whether we no de think, we go beat am pursue am outside. Meanwhile, area go de spoil de go.
So dat’s why I wan ask una dis question. ‘When we go get leaders for dis country sef?’ Abi we go tell Dangote make e help us import leaders join flour, sugar, pasta, salt, cement…………………mtsheeeeeew!!

Corruption is not our problem: na true Oga talk!

Some people de vex say Oga talk say no be corruption be our problem. Me I gree with Oga and I no fit understand why una de argue. I no wan talk plenty talk. Na true say na every side we show face, na im we de see Naija people de do sharp sharp deal. But dat no be corruption, na hustling. Na re-distribution of wealth. Na re-arrangement. Na osmosis and diffusion. Money gat to move from region of higher concentration to region of lower concentration. And Naija boys get to move up from region of low concentration to region of high concentration.
Dis re-arrangement de happen for every area. E dey for church and e dey for mosque. E dey government office and e dey for inside family house. Government officer dem de perform and police de organize. Army de bulldoze, local government chairman de administer. Traditional rulers de officiate and secondary and university teacher dem de appropriate. Custom, road safety and immigration de re-design. Everybody busy de do something. Dem go get name for the thing wey dem de do. Carpenter na woodworks, mechanic na engineer and labourer na horticulturist. For Naija, nobody be thief.
God de transforms us and Jonathan na the agent. If Tompolo fit become security consultant and Asari become owner of university. If Gani Adams fit become OPC and Yoruba leader and Omisore fit be governorship aspirant, there is nothing wey God no fit do for you. If Wike fit be minister for education and Mama Peace the Dame fir resurrect for Germany, nothing wey no fit happen for you, say amen.
Back to the matter. Why be say corruption no be our problem? I go tell you. The reason be say corruption na our way and no be new thing. E get wetin dem de call conduit system when person de build house. That mean to say, as dem de build the house, dem don make room for where wire go pass. That mean to say, when the wiring don finish, you no go de see wire for wall. All the wire go don dey inside wall. Na so be Nigeria wahala. The people wey build Nigeria, dem don make room where corruption go de take de happen make nobody de see am. Na only people wey greedy, wey no de follow inside the conduit pipe, na dem de lay wire for outside again. Farouk for example. DEM SAY the man wan collect for back. DEM SAY o! Oduah own sef. DEM SAY she de claim school wey she no go and den she de buy armoured tank when no be say she de go warfront. Na hear I hear am o, I no say e no fit be true. I just want make you sef see say no be true.
Finally my brethren, when Oga say corruption no be we problem, na correct talk be dat. Make una find another thing talk

Nothing do we government. Na we de craze!!

When something do person and the person cry cry cry and e no fit cry again, the person fit begin laugh. That laugh na bad laugh because na the boundary between sense and craze na there the person don reach so. At the same time, e get wetin person de see, e no go see word take talk again. E go de look , de boil for under. This one sef dangerous because any person wey just by mistake go offend that kind person go chop punishment pass im offence. You go don de think say I wan abuse government abi? Haaaa! No put me for trouble. How I go abuse government? The one we join abuse dem before, wetin happen? Dem change abi dem listen? Nothing wey we wan talk pass the one wey we don talk.
Make I count dem for you.
When dem carry price of petrol go up, we talk. Dem hear?
When dem de take money buy bullet proof car, we talk. Dem hear?
When dem remove Justice Salami, we talk. Dem hear?
When Jonah Jang elect imself, we talk. Dem hear?
When dem free Alams, we shout. Dem hear?
When dem do magic election for Anambra, we talk. Dem hear?
When Rivers State governor come be two, we talk. Dem hear?
When dem say dem go do Centenary party, we shout. Dem hear?
When dem say dem go do Confusion Confer…sorry National Conference, we still talk. Dem hear?
I wan ask you question. All the talk we de talk is equal to wetin? Dem go still do wetin dem want. One of my student tell me say when she de try correct im friend, na so so fight dem de fight. But as e come de hail am when e do wrong, everything turn to bread and butter. So from now on, make I de hail government as abuse no work.
Government carry go jare.
Nothing wrong in freeing Alams. In fact, make e de go Senate go make law to stop money laundering. Abi na im be the first person to chop money? Abi na im be the first to tie wrapper, wear make-up? Derenle Edun don de do am tey tey, and Charlie Boy too be like say dem do am. I no sure o!!
Government do well as dem fire Sanusi. God punish am. Na only am sabi banking? Money lost, e find out. Instead make e enter Area go talk small small. Sometime, dem fit give am small, e de shout for press. Now, dem kuku say dem see am for Boko haram uniform. Who de talk of $20b? Come take na! Monkey come chop banana.Abi na your papa money miss? Wetin wrong if Oga Okupe and Oga Abati and other people chop money? Abeg wait for your own turn.
Nothing do our government. Na me and you wey no well.
No be me and you go die for NIS recruitment? Na government say make we no strong? Na government say make you go build house de live for where Boko Haram de do morning drill? We see people carry gun de shoot other people die and we de call dem Fulani herdsmen. Na gun dem de take control cattle?
Some of us go enter Facebook go de shout. Government sharp na. dem sef get troops for Facebook. You make any mistake ask say which kind economics Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala learn wey nobody wey no be PDP de fit understand. Before you press ‘send’ finish, dem don answer you. Dem go abuse your papa, threaten your sister and promise you say If dem catch you, na hellfire straight. If you think say na lie, make I tell you wetin to post make you see fire.

1.Gen. Azazzi talk say make we ask PDP about Boko Haram. Small time, the man die. Wetin the man mean?
2. All dis statistics wey de show say Nigeria de improve, na until we die before we go see how the thing go change our life?

3. Wey the light wey dem tell us say dem wan give us dat time wey dem sell NEPA give demself?
4. If Oga stay seven years for power and e no fit change our life, wetin make am de find another four years?
5. If corruption no be our problem, wetin come be our problem?
6. When we go probe NNPC, abeg?

No be me send you o. me I don port from opposition to government supporter. Sometime, small change go enter man pikin pocket.