Month: February 2014

Revolution…? Abeg talk another thing jare!

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The talk wey dey ground today na critical matter. Before person go talk am, person go first talk one or two thing so that nobody go talk say we de cause riot. If you talk some kind things now, some people go talk say you de incite other people against government. Nobody de remember people wey de incite government against dem people. Abi you neva think am go dat side? All the people wey de go give government anti-people advice say nothing go happen, no be say dem de incite government against people be dat?
If I talk some kind thing, some people go say I de encourage revolution. Some people de talk everyday say we need revolution. Which kind yeye revolution be dat sef?  Me I no believe in revolution. Revolution suppose be say people don tire and dem come talk say dem no do again until something change. But na lie. Today world, dem de plan revolution from  start to finish. Then dem go plan demself put for the correct positions. For George Orwell book wey be Animal Farm, I don see say e no go solve our problem. Na only to change people wey de chop be dat. The only revolu-anything we need na to say no when dem bring bag of rice for election year. We fit? We need revolution for sense, inside our head first. Gun revolution don fail for Egypt,  Syria, Libya…the list long.
How I know? Oya, as many people no de read book again, make I tell una small from  Animal Farm. Na so the animals by annoyance pursue Mr Jones wey get farm comot. Dem come de lead themselves. As matter be, na only the pig dem get sense pass and dem come de lead everybody. At first, everything de waka well. But the next day, na so dem come see say some apple fall from tree. Dem come gather am come. Dem come see say dem need to milk the cows. Na the pig dem manage take dem front leg take do am. Na so apple and milk come dey ground. Dem de look say wetin wan happen. No forget say na the best food for the farm be dat and na human beings de chop am until then. Dat apple and milk be like the money wey dey NNPC, and other money wey comot from government business. So everybody de look say, how e go be.
Small time, the pig dem say, guys make we de go work first. When we come, we go know how levels go be. Na so the animal dem go work. By the time dem de return, no apple, no milk. How far? E no tey, dem send one pig explain give dem say science don show say apple and milk good for the development of pig dem brain. Dem explain say no be say pig de like dat kind thing o. In fact, dem hate am. But make dem brain for de work so dat dem go fit make sure say wicked people no come back come take back the farm from dem. Abi dem go like make Mr Jones come back? Na so the animal dem shout say ‘NO’. If anything, Jones must not come back. So dem come decide say, no be only the apple wey fall dem go give the pig dem. Dem decide say even when dem pluck the apple proper, na the pig dem alone go de chop am, join the milk hehehehehe!
The point I de make for here so be say, na from the day after the revolution na im some people don de arrange demself. As long as something dey to share and to chop, we go always de do like people wey smoke mosquito coil.
For on top dat farm level, two pig dem dey there. One na Snowball wey believe in revolution. The guy de work like craze make e change everything, make life for better for every animal. But another pig dey wey be Napoleon. Dat one de form democrat. Dem born nine dogs, e carry dem go hide come train dem like snipers. Na only am the dog dem de listen to. Anything Snowball talk, Napoleon go talk the opposite. HEAR THIS ONE. The only time dem de talk the same thing na when time reach to carry go share, like apple and milk. Dem both gree for dat one. Anything Snowball plan, Napoleon go say na rubbish. (Dem come de resemble APC  and PDP sef). One day, Napoleon carry the dog dem pursue Snowball comot and e come take over. Napoleon come re-arrange. All the idea wey Snowball been bring, Napolean say na im get the idea. The time dem fight war sef, wey Mr Jones try take back the farm, Napoleon re-arrange the story say na im plan the battle. The truth be say the bobo run go hide when e hear the sound of gun.
Dem do do do for dat farm sotey dem break all the rules wey dem make and until dem scatter the place completely!!!! You wan hear more abi. Yeye de smell. If dem say make you go read book, you go carry phone go de ping and Facebook. Go buy Animal Farm by George Orwell make you read your own.
The point wey I de show you here again be say, dem go always de arrange us. Today for area now, we no fit know who de talk true. We no know Snowball and we no know Napoleon. We own na to de shout follow who go share small give us. How much dem de share give us sef? The one wey de collect from politician go collect N50k per activist. E go cut am to N30k and e go hide N20K from each person money. The next person go receive N30k per member of im own circle. E go short am before e give to the next person. When the money finally reach the boys wey de carry ballot box, e go remain like N5k per person. Out of that N5k, boys go still square dem superior like N500 to N1k in order make dat route for still de open. Na so we be. Dem de arrange us in descending order. And we de suffer in ascending order. Na people for up collect money pass but na people for down de die pass when yawa happen.
All the people wey de arrange us give government, na dem dangerous pass government. Na dem know as we be. Na dem go tell government say, why you wan go build reservoir? Sink one borehole and everybody go praise you. Na dem go tell government say, why you wan build 50 kilometer road true true. Who wan carry tape-rule go measure am. Short and to 30 kilometre jare, make boys see something hold. Na dem de help government check who get wahala pass for Facebook and na dem sef de talk say make government do fuck-up. Afterall, na only shout we go shout and we go forget. Na those people de incite government against people.
Na this one be the ugly side of this matter. The government o. The people wey de fight government with good mind o. the people wey de fight government with bad mind o. The people wey de support government with good mind o. The people wey de support government make dem for chop o…ALL OF DEM NO DE TELL US TRUTH! The only time dem de agree na when something dey to share for the boys. Tomorrow dem go say make we come die for revolution. Then dem go re-arrange.
Anyhow you look am, na we lose. Swear no de hard to find for our mouth na. Na dat one we no de pay for. And we no need dictionary to arrange swear for person. Anybody wey de incite people against government and anybody wey de incite government against people, make dem be like Sodom and Gomorrah!!Animal Farm

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Albino wey de use bleaching cream, wetin e wan turn to?

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My people, no be say I wan far from una o. but many many thing dey wey person go must to de do if person go de see food chop. That one I talk so na official lie. The reason I neva write be say I de wait to know the no-go-area before I go talk the one wey dem go take make me popular. So when I don sure wetin I wan talk, na im I show face so.
Every corner wey you open paper, na Sanusi be discussion. People wey sabi read, dem de read de interpret give people wey no sabi read. Everybody de talk im own and dem de talk like say dem dey there. Come see people wey get shop for Alaba de analyse the bad policy wey Sanusi do. Some people sef talk say since the man come, na since then naira comot for one pound to two naira.
Person ear don full to hear talk and eye don full to read all kind talk. Wetin sef? Na so I carry phone enter Bloomberg make I see wetin dem talk because na dem be the finance people. O boy, na praise dem de praise the same policy wey Alaba expert de analyse. I say make I show one person. The guy nearly knock my Tecno comot from my hand. The man say, “Nnaa gerraway you. Your internet for your phone know Nigeria matter pass me abi your own internet beta my own? Gerraway you!”
Ok. Paper talk say Oga say make Sanusi de go face im traditional ruler post. Reason be say the letter wey e write Oga come go fall into APC people….sorry….e fall into hand of press men. Sanusi vex talk say as the shit wey dey im nyash never finish, why dem  go say make im comot from toilet. Sanusi shit come de smell enter government house. The thing de disturb the executive animal dem for presidential  zoo. Dem de talk say Sanusi shit, the man kukuma mess bad mess join.
The smell strong wey be say Oga tell am say as e don shit finish, e get to go find green leaf take clean nyash. As the man find the leaves go, na so dem carry im chair give another person.
So, as dem don pack Sanusi things go give am, wetin come be all the noise wey de join? Albino wey de bleach, wetin e wan turn imself to? But e be like say I know as e de do dem. When dem comot Timipre Sylva, dem make sure say dem snap plenty photo , so dem go de talk de yab say see handcuff for your hand.
When e reach Ibori turn, youths de shoot police. Na so paper talk dat time. Photo we no see. Na only dat wicked photo wey oyibo give am cardboard carry. The way im eyes be for that photo make some people de talk say na true sef say the way e de look for that photo be like criminal.
Den that time wey dem been jail Oga Bode George. That day wey dem sentence am. As dem read the sentence finish, na so area boys scatter everybody for court premises. Why? Dem no want make anybody take oga photo with prison officials or dem motor. Till today, I neva see anywhere wey that photo dey.
Even the rollcall long. Stella Oduah. Dem say no be sack say na resign. The woman and the other one wey talk say e don declare for governorship wey we just finish the election. Dem no yawa dis people. Even Cicelia Ibru wey dem jail. Na 5-star hospital she do her own prison and dem still no treat am anyhow.
But Sanusi own? Na court  we de hear say na dem talk say make Police, SSS and AGF no arrest the man. Why everybody wan catch the man wey take im own leg take waka come back home? Nobody say make Sanusi no explain wetin e do, but person wey una say im skin don be albino, wetin dem de force am rub bleaching cream for. Abi na just make e for give people photo wey dem go de paste for Facebook abi na make the humiliation for complete?
Anyway, somebody talk say na Ministry of Distraction de do all dis one.
Sanusi don comot. Wey the money wey de miss. Abi e no miss again? That babe wey dem take replace am…if she by mistake come tomorrow say nothing happen and money no lost…hehehe na so. Like dat N2.8billion we lost and come unlost, wey Fela take sing song.
Na true say dem suspend Sanusi. True say dem talk say the man na reckless driver. True say dem say e go answer question. True again say na the time the dog no hear im master call na im dem remember say na bad driver. All na true. Dem de talk say, when woman no want her husband again, she go remember where the man been get sore for leg before. No be today dem don de arrest people.
OBJ carry Adedibu go Abuja. Dem do do do, dem leave the old man after warning.
Dem carry Tinubu go tribunal. After sight-seeing, dem free the man.
Dem carry Ibori go brand new High Court for Asaba. Na there dem wash away all im sin.
Dem lock Teslim Folarin for murder of Eleweomo for Ibadan. Next day e dey PDP convention for Abuja de work for one oga.
Dem carry Dimeji Bankole go court. Dem don wash im sin away. Free to go.
If Sanusi do normal, im sin go white like snow.
Wait o! What about the money wey de miss?