Month: December 2013

N12.5m for Two animals, abeg who wan port go Aso Rock Zoo

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Stop Complaining and Port to Aso Rock Zoo
The time Saka de sing dat im craze song, I don port o, the bobo fit no know say that im song go useful pass MTN advert. For the last one week, people de voke for Naija sake of say dem hear say dem FG budget heavy money to take care of animal for Aso Rock zoo.
Naija people wetin de do una sef? Make we no de backward na. as early as 1912 wey Titanic sink, na since dat time oyinbo don show us say animal na equal to man. I hear the story when I dey for Uniben say one woman for inside Titanic wan put her dog for the lifeboat wey no reach everybody before. As dem tell am say no, na so she go back to the ship wey de sink. She feel say e kuku better to die with the dog than to leave the dog to die alone heheheheheheehe. Na wicked laugh I de laugh so. When we all hear say dem wan spend million on top animal, some people de vex, na because dem never open eye. Animal good na. Dem be our friend and some reason dey wey for make big oga people de prefer animal.
Animal de always respect and protect person wey de give am food. But some human being na chop and clean mouth dem be. Dem go chop with PDP only to run go APC.
Animal no de abuse dem oga for Facebook. Dem no de get two face. One profile for to praise oga and another fake one to de abuse am de leak im secret.
Animal no de write petition and dem no de write open letter. Anything dem wan talk, na the same way dem de talk am.
Animal de stay quiet for cage. Anyhow e be, dem go stay inside dem cage. Unlike some people wey be say dem no fit stay for one place . Na to de waka de find where dem go see money chop that’s all.
You see now? It is easier to trust the animals in Aso Zoo than some politicians wey no get ideology .
But again o. na who get another source of meat, na dem de talk animal conservation. I go see Rabbit for farm, pursue am make I catch am, you go tell me say make I leave am. You go buy meat for me? Yoruba people get one adage say person wen dem de train no de train dog. Na for dat level dis animal talk come bend. We say make Oga work for us. We de feed am. If e say e wan de short im own ration take de look after animal, na im know. I remember when we small. Mama go give us one fowl say na we own. We go nearly de follow the fowl up and down. Anything dem give us chop we go give the fowl small. Mama no de complain. But the day we go carry everybody food go give dog, dat day na two different leg go enter one trouser.
Na the thing wey de vex Naija people for dis matter be dat. How dem wan take N14.5m feed two animal? Na 5-star food dem de chop? When dis matter come up, people de carry calculator de ask say, ‘how many years I go work before my total salary go reach N14.5 million? Plus 8 million to renovate zoo and N15 million to re-build where dem de keep dem horse. You see, like say we de get money well well for the work we de do, dis money no go de fear us. How much civil servant de get as retirement benefit after 35 years for office sef?
Ok, I still get question.
Which animal be those animal? Which time the animal dem enter Aso Rock, under which person government? Where dem buy dem and how much? Wetin dem de take dem do? The horse dem too. Wetin dem de take dem do?
Anyway, the vexiest thing for the whole matter be say the animal de live better than 85% of Nigerians and dem accommodation better pass those of more than 85% of Naija people. That’s why I de ask say, na who wan port go there go follow the animal dem enjoy N14.5?

Below, na one of the newspaper clip on the matter

Reacting to the development, many Nigerians
wonder why, despite the tell-tale signs of poverty
and hunger in the country, the FG would give
priority attention to animals at the expense of
human beings.
A reader on punchng.com , Momoh Abdul-Razaq,
describes the budgets for the animals and the
maintenance of the zoo as an insult on the
collective intelligence of Nigerians.
Abdul-Razaq dares President Goodluck Jonathan
to prove to Nigerians that the budget estimates
for the animals will impact positively on his
performance in office.
He says, “I have been working for close to 10
years now and I have never seen a million naira
nor come close to spending same, yet two
animals have over N14 m budgeted for them!
What is my salary in a year? Do they know how
many boreholes that N14million can sink in a
Nigerian village or town?
“Yet when you criticise them (FG) some people
among us call you all kinds of unprintable names.
How will the animals help Jonathan to perform his
duties better? If the President needs relaxation
alone or in company with others, can’t he go
fishing?
“Why do our leaders insult our intelligence like
this? I cannot believe an animal has more money
budgeted for it than a human being, despite all
the efforts we put in at work daily. Honestly, I feel
like telling them that God will punish them all, but
I will not do it. Instead, I will say to them: may
God reward you all.”
As the debate raged online, a respondent on
punchng.com , Babakeu, asked the President four
questions that are centred on the controversial
budgetary allocation for the animals.
He insisted that Jonathan must provide tangible
answers to the questions before the National
Assembly approves the allocation, which he
describes as reflecting the President’s “inordinate
action”.
Babakeu said, “I think that we should all ask
Jonathan the following questions: What benefits
will the spending of roughly N38m on the feeding,
security and housing of two wilds animals will
bring to all Nigerians?
“Is Jonathan not receiving salaries from which he
can earmark some money to feed and train his
two wild animals?
“Is FIFA organising a tournament in which every
qualified country is invited to participate with their
national teams of wild animals for the purpose of
awarding medals?
“Finally, are those two wild animals part of our
national assets on which our collective wealth
must be squandered or budgeted for?
“If the above five questions cannot be answered
by Jonathan, do we still then need this kind of
extravagant fellow at the helms of the affairs of
this country?”
A respondent on Twitter, Bassey, says that in view
of the current situation in the country, the budget
proposals for the animals could only be tenable if
the zoo project was meant for commercial
purposes.
“I see it that we are getting wild animals at Aso
Rock. Is it another developmental goal of this
administration to better lives of the people? I’d
rather they build a zoo with that kind of money
and earn revenue from it. But I’m not a citizen
who doesn’t know the way government works,”
Bassey states.
Expressing his anger with the Jonathan
administration, one Oloyede Oyewale-Hastings
writes on Facebook, “Our leaders are insensitive
to the plight of the governed. How on earth can a
sensible being wish to budget and expend such a
large sum of money on ordinary animals while
human beings that were created by God in His
own image toil to eke out a living?

http://www.punchng.com/i-punch/fgs-budget-for-animals-sparks-debate-on-social-media/

Kumuyi de talk im own

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Kumuyi de talk im own. I de do my own
Sometime, fire go start to burn, we go call fire service if dem get petrol to drive dem motor or dem get water to quench fire. But e get some kind fire wey water no de quench. E neva tey wey Chris Okotie light fire when e tell Roman Catholics say dem de mess up and dem no go see space for heaven. See wahala. No name wey dem no call the man. Dem help am remember say na nightclub be the seminary wey im go. Dem tell am say like say if im be correct person, im wife no go sky leave am. Dem bring photo wey the man de preach and body guard with bullet proof vest stand everywhere. Dat photo no be small thing but I no too de believe photo since the time oyinbo do photoshop. All dat to show say the man don craze!
That matter still dey ground when Pastor Kumuyi scatter ground again. I see am for Punch say the man talk say make im member dem no just try go near anything dem call Christmas. E say the thing na idol worship. Normal normal, na Roman Catholic people again dem take style point say na dem cut the head of one thing take go join the body of another thing. The word never cold wey dem answer am. Some say the man don start again. Before before, im member dem de wear gown wey be like William Shakespeare dem time but now dem don change. The man wan carry dem back to that time? Dem say Deeper Life people don de buy better motor and don de watch tv, so which level the man carry come again?
Wetin Kumuyi tell im members be say na Annual December Convention dem de do, no be Christmas. The man talk say the festival no dey for Bible and say all that carol wey we de sing no be am. Say the duty of Christian na to make people resemble Jesus more and more, no be to de join worldly celebration. The man come talk say any of the church leader wey try bring Christmas enter church go chop cane. Who de vex for the man? Afterall na im member e tell. E even say who wan do celebration, say door dey open. Make e waka. Ok o. na shepherd man de protect im sheep so anything God say make e talk, make e de talk de go.
Make we talk true o. We don read am say na Roman Emperor wey im name be Constantine na im take style join Christian and idol worship when the man don tire to de fight Christians and e no fit stop dem. E come bring the image of dat woman wey carry pikin wey dem don de worship sun god before. E convert the woman to Mary and the baby to Jesus. E come choose date say make we take de celebrate. Na so the thing go grow reach this Christmas wey we de do now. Sometime, Roman Catholics de call Constantine as one of dem pope but enough people dey wey fit swear say the man no repent half day sef. Some Roman Catholic sef say na wrong info be dat. But everybody gree say the man openly say im convert to be Christian.
Ok o. the Director of Social Communication, Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos, Monsignor Gabriel Osu enter matter at once. First, e say im no understand wetin Kumuyi mean by say to celebrate Christmas wrong.  Say like say na the way we don turn Christmas to market the pastor de vex for, e for be different matter. E talk say, God promise to redeem this world and God do as E promise wey make am send Jesus. Therefore na the promise wey God fulfil we de celebrate.  Vex catch Monsignor Osu small o because e talk say how Kumuyi go de condemn Christmas when im see Kumuyi for tv for the Christmas Carol dem do for Akwa Ibom State. Na so. Kumuyi fit go there go convert people na, abi no be im work?
Again, one spokesman for Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Oshodi Chapter, Pastor Barnabas Otoibhi  sef join matter. E talk say wetin Christmas stand for pass the place wey Christmas from comot. E say na true say dem fit trace Christmas go back to Roman Emperor Constantine, and Christmas be the day wey people de worship sun god, but say as Constantine come become Christian, na so dem change am take de remember the time dem born Jesus. So nothing wrong make people honour Jesus.
The trouble me I see for the CAN pastor talk be say people still de talk say no time wey Constantine ever become Christian. All na strategy to pour water inside Christianity dat time.
So, make we do Christmas abi make we no do? Make we look the thing wey we all agree first.
Everybody gree say Constantine na  Emperor.
Everybody gree say dem born Jesus.
Everybody gree say no be December 25. Even October people sef no de there the time.
Everybody gree say we don turn Christmas to another thing wey no be to honour Jesus.
The question wey remain come be say
Because na Constatine start am and because im mind no clean, we no fit turn am to advantage? Sebi na for we front all the PDP people de turn to APC and we de believe say dem go do better?
Because you no want make your church people make mistake go de worship Christmas instead of Jesus Christ, dat one reach to ban Christmas patapata?
Because dem no write am for Bible say make I de brush my teeth for morning and evening, dat one come mean say e no be scriptural? So we no fit take one day take remember say God fulfil im promise as dem talk?
The time dem crucify Jesus, Bible talk say dem naked am. So if we wan act am for drama or film, we go……..? Just as we de do communion take de remember, we no fit do Christmas take remember?
As Christmas mean nothing for some people, e still get people wey de decide to serve God more and more as dem de remember the coming of Jesus abi? People no dey wey de use Christmas to good advantage?
Too many talk. I get one question only. ABEG, PERSON WEY CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS , E GO ENTER HELL FIRE?
If the answer na NO, make you free me o. And until you answer that one…..

……………………………………………………….M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S!!!!…………………………

APC wicked people… Una wan kill Okupe!!

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APC PEOPLE TOO WICKED…Una wan Kill Oga Doyin Okupe before im time?
Wait o. Something de happen wey no good. Somebody don de do bad thing. Who be dat? Na APC. Dem wan take style kill Oga Doyin. Abi na bad thing say person take work from government? Wait make we look dis matter sharpily critically.
Oga Doyin don do politics and the thing neva pay in the Nigerian sense. The man de pray de work de look de wait. As e come be, God come choose say na time to bless am. I know say some people go talk say no be like so God de take bless person. But dat one pass me. Wetin be matter be say God bless am come give am job. As soon as APC see who dem give job, na so dem begin shout say dem don give cat fish say make e keep. Dem say the man na attack dog. The man de kukuma get time to answer. The man tell dem say im na attack lion no be attack dog.
As matter come de go, na so true true, na so so attack e de attack some people wey de vex am. Anybody wey just talk say Oga no go drink water keep  cup, na so Oga Doyin go carry fight enter im doormouth. But these days, as Tukurvirus de spread (Tukurvirus na new Trojan horse), person no come know how levels come be for Oga Doyin.
That is why I de write dis appeal say make una leave Oga Doyin make e no go wound. Haba!! Too many things dey table. How una want make the man de cope. Amaechi file dey there. Baraje file dey der. Dipo Melaiye get file. Lai Mohammed no get file. Na complete cabinet the man get for there. Tinubu matter don pass cabinet. Na store dem clear for the man matter. Dem neva finish o. Akande get folder for tablet. That old man no de fear at all. E look complete man and all im people come talk say na kindergarten dem still dey. The man get folder. Wamakko sef dey there. Bukola Saraki dey there. Chris Ngige no fit shut up. Im file de grow by the day. IBB file dey there, neither here nor there. The man be like say na when e keep quiet e de bad pass. El-Rufai sef dey. Dem just open one for Rochas Okorocha. All the governors go visit Obasanjo, na only Rochas wear French suit, go stand for front de laugh like children wey go birthday party for olden days. There  must be a reason for dat kind laugh. Make I no call all dem name. but the two people wey dem open 20 gig hard disc for na Buhari and OBJ. when those two men gather together in the name of anything, o boy wahala dey o!
Ahaa, back to the matter. With all dis people wey de gather so, how una want make Oga Doyin sleep for night. If e manage sleep reach 4 am, e gat to wake up go read online newspaper first to know wetin all dis witch dem talk for night when everybody don sleep. Then e gat to de think of the reply wey e go give dem. E go enter Twitter go look wetin dat bad boy El-Rufai don talk for night and how many people de answer am. Then e go enter Facebook go check wetin some people don put there since midnight to 4am. Den e go check response to talk wey im don talk before. After all dat one, e go receive call take hear update on wetin de happen. Then im go make call take update the oga dem. One ear na im e go de take watch Channels and the other ear dey CNN. NTA na permanent mute dat one dey. No fuck-up fit come from that zone, thank God. Before e go finish all dat one make e come de think of how e go do, na so one of im aides go enter come tell am say, ‘Good afternoon sir.’ Time don reach 2pm.
So when Oga de tell una say APC go collapse soon, no be prediction. Na prayer. Una wan kill the man with una wahala abi na wetin?

God punish all of dem!

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God Punish All of dem
I de vex gan! The thing wey I wan talk de vex me. All of a sudden for dis country, the only thing wey some people wan make we de think be who be my brother and who no be my brother. Dem don carry am enter everywhere. If your name na Yoruba, people don talk for dem mind say na only Yoruba people and Yoruba thing you go de support. If your name na Igbo, you be foolish boy wey no fit stay your village. If your name be Hausa, you be Boko Haram. If your name na Bayelsa, na you and Jonathan de spoil country. Which kind craze thing be dis?
People dey there de wait sake of say dem wan go conference go discuss some matter. Dem don de prepare us say make Hausa man no cheat us. Make Igbo man no take over our thing. Make Niger Delta no plenty too much for army. Make Isoko no be pastor for church wey more Urhobo people join dem money take build. Make Yoruba Muslim no lead prayer for Hausa mosque. We do sotey we begin do oursef for the same area. Make  Anambra people no too plenty for Abia civil service, make we sack dem. Make Osun people no come de form for Ondo State, make dem pay school fees like non-indigene. Make Asaba no de form say na dem get state capital, make Urhobo people de do governor forever. Na so we don scatter we country sotey we don de take am de fire children wey just de grow. Yoruba boy know say Igbo people no be correct people, na so so money and land dem de fight for. Igbo boy know say Yoruba boy na so so juju e know and im sense remain small to complete. Yoruba boy know say Hausa man na mulla and dat mean to say na seven Hausa sense is equal to one Yoruba idiot. See where dem don carry us reach?  When Ife and Modakeke de fight, I hear say Ife husband go push out Modakeke wife make dem kill am!! If dat na true, wetin our leaders wan make we be? Another Rwanda?
Make I no let dis talk too much. See one example wey I wan give. And na correct example. Real life example.
My friend and sister ADETUTU na Ijebu girl. Her papa na from Ijebu Ode. Her mama na from Mgbidi for Imo State. So, Adetutu get two grandparents wey be Yoruba and two wey be Igbo. Adetutu come go NYSC, come meet nice guy from Nassarawa. She marry the man and now she get children. So Adetutu children na Hausa (so to say). Dem mama na Yoruba. Dem get uncles wey be Yoruba and Hausa. Dem grandparents na Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa (maternal grandfather Yoruba. Maternal grandmother Igbo. Paternal grandfather Hausa. Paternal grandmother Hausa and that is if Tutu husband no come from another mixed marriage) If you carry  enter great grandparents, the story go de wide more.
Therefore my people, anybody wey tell me say make I hate Adetutu children na crazeman. No be small craze de worry am. Dis example I give na the one I know. Some dey wey you go know wey conc pass dis one. Wetin come de happen for dis country? Where all dis hate de come from? Some people know say if things de bad de go like dis, na dem go de benefit. Dem go de take the quarrel de take de collect vote for election. We go de kill ourself and dem go de laugh. People wey God go punish for dis country plenty well well o.
Therefore I de talk my own. If you talk amen, na you know. If you no talk amen, na you still know. All the people wey wan turn all of us to enemy, make God punish dem. People wey de send people go kill other people because dem de vex say dem no get wetin dem want, any party wey dem dey and anywhere wey dem dey, make God punish dem. People wey de kill people de blame other people, make God punish dem. People wey de thief money wey dem suppose take make life better for other people, make God punish dem. People wey pack government money for oversea bank sake of say make dem retire go de chop am, dem no go retire. People wey de pack bomb for house de wait for election day, make the bomb explode when dem de do inspection of the place dem pack am. God punish dem.
One more thing. All the people wey God go punish, make God punish dem for market square! God punish anybody wey go tell me say make I kill you! God punish am!!

Me sef don write letter!

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Dis last week, we no fit hear word for area sake of say two letter de fly. The first thing wey de pain me be say dem write letter and dem no post am through NIPOST! What a loss of IGR! But Guiness suppose come look whether dis thing no go enter book of record. Wetin? Two letter and the whole place de shake. People de talk, even people wey never read letter na dem voice loud pass. I tire o.
The letter dem sef. Which one make we talk first sef? Ok. Make we begin with Baba letter. No be we dem write letter give so we go de careful how we de carry aproko  enter another man matter. The letter talk say Naijaman no de control area well. That one no be new thing because all man de dig borehole for water, de buy dog for security. All man sef de go private school for education and de buy generator for light. So e be like say that one no be the thing wey de cause the riot so. Wetin again? Dem say Naijaman sef no baaaad man. That one hard small o because anybody wey no know the full meaning of treason go need to carry dictionary before e talk put for dat one. Because if you mis-talk…hmmm Oga Rubby go knock for your door. I no get power o. , Dem add say corruption no get control, say d broom don short wey dem de take sweep  am. As dem just talk am finish say the broom dem de take sweep corruption comot no be correct broom na so something happen. Next thing, dem say no money for EFCC account!!! Choi! Dat one hold man for throat o. How people wey pass thousand wey dem de pay to pursue corruption go come talk say no money to do the work dem de pay dem for?
Anyway, wetin again dey letter. Ah…fear de catch me to talk dis one. The time I hear say dem de train sniper, I first think say na person wey de snap photo na im dem de call sniper. But as I come ask people wey de hear English, na so dem tell me wetin e be. Since den, I never fit look ground when I de waka make person no go snipe me from on top tree. Anyway, dat matter tire person o. Baba na former soldier…but just because na former soldier, does dat one come mean say…………………………………………………………………….……but Naijaman don talk say na fake talk be dat. Abeg make we believe Naijaman jare. But what if some people de go for Naijaman back de ………………………………………..…………see wetin dis letter wan turn us to?…. and the letter long o! As the letter come de cause trouble, na so another letter enter floor. Na pikin letter be the new one.
E get one special thing wey dey between that girl (sorry, woman) and her papa. E get the pikin wey dem de ask say, ‘Is this your father?’ And e get pikin wey dem no de ask dat question. Instead of dat, dem de tell am say, ‘this is your father’. O boy, that babe resemble her papa! Blood is thicker than water!
The letter still de cause trouble. Some say na she write am. Some say no be she write am. We no wan know for this area. We go better look the letter from the two side.
If na she write am, she don scatter Yoruba tradition o. Yoruba people dem no de curse elder and dem no de abuse elder for public o. Igbo boy na rude boy. E go carry hand go shake elder, nearly break elder hand. But Yoruba boy go wait until elder by imself bring hand say make you shake am.
Okay, dat one pass. She come scatter ground say her papa na bad person. So wetin new there. No be EBORA OF OWU dem de call am? Dat one na better name before? You say bad spirit bad, wetin you talk wey new. The one wey de make me laff be as all the people for Facebook de shout say the old man de chop im pikin wife. I laugh sotey shit was drop. Wetin the boy de do wey the babe come like that man pass imsef, abi no mirror for that house? The woman wey leave im husband de chop the papa, she go win STV Man of the Year Award? Some people say na national disgrace than can only happen in Nigeria. NA LIE!!!! Ryan Giggs de chop im brother wife pass ten years. Dem catch am and e still de play for Man U! Dem still de shout im name. Anyway na only one question remain.
Wetin dat pikin letter tell us about im papa wey we no know before?
Na so we come de fight oursef. People wey for buy beer for person come de vex carry dem money go back home. Wait. To take money wey you don budget to buy beer and point & kill  for your friends go back home, THAT NA THE MEANING OF TREASON!!!! To talk wetin you no understand na stupidity!
So wetin come be conclusion. The second letter na from papa to pikin. The first letter na from papa to pikin. All the letter na family affair. Na Baba give us pikin wey she take Vet Medicine take be Commissioner for Health for Ogun State. Na Baba give us pikin wey she take Vet Medicine become head of House Committee on Health abi wetin she be dat time? The wahala wey burst there reach court. Abeg who know how far with that case sef? Na Baba still give us pikin wey take Zoology enter second position for Inter-House Sports. Na Baba still give us pikin, give am backing when e go win Inter-House Sports with first position. You see as all dis people resemble each other?
So before the third letter go come out, make everybody park well. Make all man leave Naijaman make e focus because matter full ground. Lecturers don finish dem own. Dem don collect money. Now doctor dem don start. Who know when dat one go end. Who know who go do im own next. Abeg make we allow bros focus. As much as we for like to remove am, if na God put am there, nothing de par!!
Bros leave comment for we language. No abuse person and no put bad-belle otherwise na only you one go know say you been write something. Abeg I get call…hello…hello….Nooo no be me write am o…..i no call anybody name o….hello…heelllooooo. Abeg put this blog address for your wall make your friends follow jollificate….hello…I say it is not me wey write it!!!!!

…Naija. we too follow big name

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As I siddon one day make I think the thing wey de do us for dis country, na so I remember wetin Obama tell Africa the time wey e first win president for USA. The man talk say make we build strong institution, make we no build strong name. Dat man get nyash o. Na the thing wey de worry us na im the man see sharpily sharpily. Because some people de vex say the man no come Nigeria come tell dem thank you,  dat vex no first let many of us think about wetin the man de tell us. ( We de wait for thank you visit as if na we vote. Even the money wey Okereke-Onyiuke and her friend dem de raise for Naija nearly cause katakata for Obama sef. No ask dem who send dem o).
Na so make me come de think am alone. I sabi think well well when I broke, which mean to say na every time I de think. I come de remember say Naija people too de follow big man and big name. Once upon a time, wey Oga Shagari be president, na so some people de do as dem like. Even as small boy, I hear as my papa dem dem de talk say Akinloye get im own champagne. We hear say Joseph Wayas de take bag of rice talk good morning to people wey e like. We hear say Olusola Saraki fit win anything dem put for vote for Senate. Why because once dem hear the man voice de ask sa ‘na so?’  all im peoplewey don de sleep to jump up answer say, ‘na sooooo’. Some time sef, dem no even know wetin dem de discuss. Since dat time go reach now, na the big big name we still de follow. Oya make we do small roll call.
For South East, na Nwobodo (wey dem say e carry generator from National Stadium go do im mama burial for Enugu. I hear ni o. I no sure o) other people there come be C. C Onoh and dem Ubah brothers dem before Chris Ngige dem enter dance-floor (Ngige na super-stylee e take enter. Some people been wan play am, but e show dem say  to go school no be waste of time).  All dem Kanu and Orji and Rochas and Peter Obi and Sullivan and Iwuanyanwu dem all dey there, Ezeife,  and dat fine girl Ekwunife. The gra-gra ones dem dey o, like Uwazulike and im boys.
You enter South-West, na here all the people wey de shake country dem surplus. If we start from Abiola, we go enter Abraham Adesanya, enter Baba Adedibu, enter OBJ, enter Ladoja, Saraki dem, Oyinlola dem, Agagu dem and Baba Tinubu and im boys…and the one dem wey just enter floor like Fani-Kayode, Yinka Odunmakin and the one wey take am by force like Oga Fasheun and Gani baba! The list long o! Make I no call Teslim Folarin because some people go remember how e comot detention from Ibadan straight to PDP primaries from Abuja. Make I no call Omisore because some people still de vex for am for Bola Ige. No ask me o. I no underdstand  why dem de vex….ahhh! the list long.
For North na the same thing. Buhari dem dey there join Umaru Dikko dem, join …join…join…dem plenty o but the one ones wey I like pass na the new ones like Tambuwal, like Farouk Lawan, like Baba Sharia (wey dem talk say na 13 year old girl de sweet am pass), like Baraje, like Babangida Aliyu…dem plenty. Even dem brother for Middle Belt full there too.plus Gowon, plus Solomon Lar, plus Aper Aku plus pplus plus…if not for the thing wey de happen for jos and all dat Plateau side, na dem for collect award say dem quiet pass.
Who remain? Na South-South hehehehehee. Dem people for dat side tire me. I don think am. Think am think say make I remember dem hero for there, e hard o. Ok, dem get Isaac Boro come get Ken Saro Wiwa, come get Tam David West (that man name de vex some people because of all the talk the man de talk about NNPC and oil subsidy). Dem still dey o. come get …get….get….ok leave dat side. Na the new ones na dem correct pass. One na Bros J, wey no first get shoe but shoe don plenty now. Bros Alams wey show Scotland Yard say snake no de go prison. Asari Baba wey don turn from creek to vice chancellor, Tompolo wey go soon enter Forbes Most Monied Men, Oga Wike, Oga Bipi and Oga Seriake, Oga Orkah, Oga Ibori (shhhhhh no be South South but na South South e resemble shhhhh) Oga Boyloaf….. e get as e be for dis region o!!! den dem still get Oga Edwin Clark and Ankio Briggs. E get one wey de make big-big noise that time….wetin be im name oh… e be like say na Eka. Dat time, the man slim come get hard face like Kanayo O Kanayo when e first start de act Nollywood. Now, im face don wide like those Chinese people own. Money good o!!!
Na because of dis situation wey we de worship people, dats why big man no de go prison for Naija. Even the one wey manage go, court don talk say e no suppose go. But for USA, big man de go prison because the institution big pass the person. For here, na big name big pass institution. Dats why we de drive motor against traffic. Dats why convoy driver go de run as if devil de pursue dem. Dats why one person go thief money wey you no go fit count finish for one week. Dats why one citizen go build house come build cell put inside to de take detain other people. Dats why soldier go beeat civilian for street. Dats why admission no de reach people wey qualify. Dats why if your application no get senator complimentary card attached, e no be application yet. Dats why person go be senator and e no fit understand bill wey e de support. Dats why people de carry fake certificate and nobody fit challenge dem. Dats why police de forget say dem no be private property. Dats why people de build house for water channel. Dats why one man go carry other people pension money chop. Dats why somebody go collect contract to do road and e no go even near the place. Dats why people for ministry de collect mighty bribe from contractors and nobody fit stop dem. Dats why some people go commit as dem like and nothing go do dem. Dats why everything come get as e be. DATS WHY WE BE AS WE BE!!!
Like mumu and people wey dem swear for, na so we de carry ourself join big name sake of say dem go help us reach where we say we de go. Na so e be. Dog talk say e know why e de follow man with big belle. If e no shit, e go vomit…something for the boys na!
But my people, time don reach wey we no go de follow dis people because dem get big name. We suppose de charge out brain like laptop. We no suppose de allow anybody de carry us go fight for election. We no suppose allow anybody send us go kill another person. We no suppose….o boy na waa o. Some things fit ever change? When money enter now, na different story. All dis my talk no fit stop hunger or the desire for material things….and if dem no collect money from big names, who dem wan collect from?
Wait, I wan still think again….

Mandela Burial de pain us o. Dem no let us talk!

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Dem no let us talk for Mandela funeral…e pain us!!!
Na true say Mandela don die and na true say dem don bury am. But one thing wey shake ground for naija area be say dem no let Naijaman talk one sentence for the burial. Dat thing pain some of our people and e make some of our people vex. The first time the matter happen, we first turn am to laugh. One person say,’after all the help we gave to South Africa’. We come answer am say, ‘Na South Africa you help. Dem tell you thank you dat time. Na Mandela die, South Africa never die. You go still wait small’. We laugh no be small. But matter come de serious pass HIV as the days de pass and people wey know book de take telescope look the matter.
Na so me sef tell myself say I no must carry last. Na im I carry stethoscope and telescope (all na scope). One thing wey pay me pass be say na ear and eye I take do my own research. I  come find some reason wey fit…wey fit….wey fit (I hope three time reach for people wey like to misquote person) be the reason dem park us for corner.
True true, Naijaman na correct as e go there still. Some people don de talk say make e no show for the place. But e be like say some of im adviser de hear Ebenezer Obey music, wey e talk say, ‘Oja Oyingbo, ko mo pe eni kan oo wa o’ which mean to say Oyingbo Market no know say one person no come. So e good well well say Naijaman show face. Na two Mr President show there from Naija axis and na nearly only two of dem wear cap for inside house…one traditional cap and one bowler hat. Na so event start and finish.
So wetin come cause dis matter? Some say na national disgrace but some people say nothing spoil. I no know who to believe sef but I no use my periscope look that side. Na another side I look, wey be say why dem do us like dis.
First of all, na dem papa die no be our papa. How you go tell person say you must talk for im papa burial just because of say you been give dem money when dem papa dey hospital? As na dem papa die, abeg allow dem bury am as dem like. So the first thing I see be say na yeye de worry us.
The second thing wey the periscope show be say no be only we dem do  dat thing o. all the head of government for UK no get space talk. But dem no complain. Maybe because say some people say na dem be apartheid proper. I no know o but dem no cause fight. Again, na yeye de worry us.
The third thing telescope bring be say the people wey de laugh government no de laugh because we no talk for der. Dem just de laugh say God catch all the people wey de hope say dem go gather write speech for Naijaman. Dem de laugh de happy say the money wey we for take carry all the speech writers, speech readers, speech polishers, speech editors and speech monitors…all dat money don save. Dem fit now carry am give NFF make dem take de pay Keshi salary. (If dem like dem go put am for safe again make e lost like im senior brother. dem still de find that one wey lost abi?) So dem de laugh say at least dem don know say some people no send dem. And dem be normal people like any other people.
The fourth thing wey telescope show be say, the supporters of Naijaman de vex. But some no vex because we no talk for burial. Dem de vex because the way dat matter go, e de give opponent something to take laugh dem. Opponent say sebi una go de do headmaster de ring bell for stock exchange, oya go Pretoria na. Big boys don gather. Go try see whether you be big boy true true. So dem vex say dem oga no enter world  limelight dat day.
Na so I turn the telescope face South Africa sake of say make I for know wetin dem de think wey make dem commit that kind commit. As I look inside telescope my eye wan blind. Wetin my mouth see, my eye no fit talk am. I no know whether na true, so make I tell you make you decide.
Telescope show say;
South Africa de measure say, who de wonder say country wey dem school don close for six month, no be apartheid be dat? When the pikin of the big politicians full South Africa de drive big car de go school? Dis people wan de remind us of apartheid wey be say na only some people de go school and others na labourer?
South Africa de measure say, we remember the time Christine Amanpour interview somebody about electricity. Dem give answer finish and Christine enter area with microphone and na different thing she meet. People like dis fit reach there make we no know wetin dem go talk.
South Africa de measure say Transparency International score Naija high mark no be small. And international organizations tell dem about the election for Anambra. Dem also tell dem say for Rivers State, na Hollywood vs Nollywood. How dem go let people wey do dat kind Anambra election come talk for Mandela burial biko?
South Africa sef de measure say, na Naija area no get better record. Na the week wey everyman de celebrate Mandela and Freedom, na dat week dem de read for paper say bill to send people go jail for 7 year sake of say dem yawa government de pass second reading. SECOND READING? Haba, if dem talk for Mandela burial,the man fit get up say im no die again!
South Africa de measure say, as dem de celebrate say Madela try bring dem together instead of to scatter dem, how e come be say BIG BROS Naija de wan do conference to scatter demself? Dat conference wey dem wan do, if the first question come be, DO WE WANT TO STAY TOGETHER AS A NATION? And the answer come be NOOOOO! Wetin go come happen? As dem de try stay together, how dem wan give microphone to people wey wan stay apart? Make dem no go spread virus!
The last thing wey that telescope carry come pass my power. Dem talk say, make our own Mandela sef make e die make we call who we like. I de find who go be our Mandela. E be like say I been read somewhere say some people say dem be like Mandela because na dem rescue Naija area from military dictator dem. Na true o….yes. Ok made dem name dem Mandela abeg. Dis thing wey South Africa do us, we must do back